And so, two Japanese researchers, Kazutaka Kurihara and Koji Tsukada, have come up with a device that, when aimed at the target, makes it near-impossible for them to talk. The device, nicknamed the SpeechJammer, operates on the idea of delayed auditory feedback. Basically, what it does is record what you’re saying and then shoot it back at you with a slight (200 millisecond) delay, which for some reason is like kicking the speech center of your brain right in the nutsack. Even basicallier, the device uses your own words to stop you from talking which I believe is what we call “poetic justice.” Or possibly “an Orwellian horror waiting to happen.”
Up until now, the only way to make someone puke with a flashlight was to hit them on the back of the head with it, inducing a paralyzing seizure (AKA The LA Greeting). But now the future Bond villains at the Intelligent Optical Systems, California, have come up with a flashlight that uses light pulses to disorient a target, and hopefully make it puke its guts out.
The Incapacitating Flashlight first uses a range finder to determine the distance between itself and the one remaining Occupy protester on Earth, and then sends out a series of LED pulses, which differ in color and duration. This colorful strobe light effect is said to have a nauseating effect on a typical human, causing him to lose balance and become sick…thus making the Incapacitating Flashlight a portable version of that one Pokémon episode.
Source
The Personal Halting and Stimulation Response Rifle is three things:
1. One of the most awkward acronyms ever
2. Proof that an obsession with Star Trek does not diminish with age
3. A U.S. Department of Defense non-lethal rifle that blinds people.
To get around such pesky things as international military conventions against blinding weaponry, the PHASR is being developed to use lasers that will only temporarily blind an enemy combatant…thus making it easier to shoot him through the nipples, I assume. Unfortunately, given the size of the current PHASR prototype and its uncanny resemblance to an X-Box peripheral, the safe bet is that, instead of actual combat the PHASR will see most action at drunken army base parties and future Jackass episodes.
Imagine you’re at a rally protesting the fascists’ fascist decision to fascist…ly remove French fries from your community college’s cafeteria (also, you have no idea what “fascist” actually means). You and everyone else are restless, tension is riding high, some guy (me, most likely) innocently suggests to perhaps consider torching the campus to the ground. That’s when an armored car rolls by, and everyone just falls to the ground in a fit of blinding pain for no apparent reason.
You have no idea what’s going on. Suddenly, your whole body has been turned into a giant radio receiver and the only station it gets is Pain FM. You start pleading with every God you can think of, promising to release those teenage runaways from your basement if only someone would free you from this pain. But it’s not God that’s doing this to you – it’s the Air Force’s Active Denial System.
The ADS is a military non-lethal weapon that’s basically a giant antenna that emits waves similar to those found in microwave ovens. When aimed at a person, the ADA waves cause him or her to reach their pain threshold in a matter of seconds, by making them feel as if they were burning alive. The weapon reportedly has no long-term ill effects on the human body, other than a crippling phobia of microwave ovens and your own government.
The Thunder Generator can be best summed up as a weapon that shoots explosions.
Originally devised by Israeli farmers to scare away birds, the Thunder Generator uses a mixture of gas and air to create loud explosions…which the Israeli government now wants to aim at people. With a little tweak here and there (possibly adding a human skull decal on the side) the TG has recently been re-appropriated as a crowd dispersion weapon, as it can send powerful shock waves that knock people down up to 100m away.
Unfortunately, the Thunder Generator is non-lethal only in the sense that a regular firearm is non-lethal, as long as you only shoot the guy in the ass. It’s actually been discovered that, at less than 10m, a blast from the Thunder Generator can kill a person but, damn, can you imagine the badass headstone they would leave behind? “Here lies some guy – killed by an Explosion Gun.”
Quick, pin-point the inherent dangers and potential for disaster with the following idea: a super-expanding, quick-drying foam shot out of a gun to incapacitate people.
If you answered, “too big of a temptation to use on Jared after he falls asleep drunk on the coach,” then you are right. I also would have accepted “the possibility of accidentally suffocating a person” or “a new, terrifying genre of pornography.” And yet, the US military is all about the Sticky Foam gun, and the weapon is apparently already being used by the Marines, most notably in Somalia.
Source
Military Policeman aims a 'less-lethal' weapon.
Original caption:
"The FN-303 Less-Lethal Launching System is among the many non-lethal systems included in INIWIC training. U.S. Army photo by Spc. Edward Siguenza"
Date June 2010
Source https://www.jnlwp.usmc.mil/misc/newsletters/Biannual%20NewsletterJune%202010%20Final.pdf
Author Edward Siguenza
Permission
(Reusing this file)
Public domain This image is a work of a U.S. Army soldier or employee, taken or made as part of that person's official duties. As a work of the U.S. federal government, the image is in the public domain.
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